the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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