I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
