he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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