roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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