went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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