his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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