So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
