my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize