She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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