I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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