____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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