He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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