I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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