So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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