you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
