Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
