Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue

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(716): View more from New York

ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.

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(512): View more from Texas

He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

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(512): View more from Texas

Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.

(512): View more from Texas

Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.

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(916): View more from California

God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.

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