Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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