So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
