like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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