Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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