I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
