Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
