Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
