If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
