that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize