Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
