Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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