So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
