She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
