So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize