So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
