Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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