yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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