is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
