I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize