Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
