my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
