Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
