i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think a kid would responsible me up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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