i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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