Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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