There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
