Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
