my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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