so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
