What a fucking waste of an outfit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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