So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's the barista slut.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
