well I can't set my house on fire every night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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