you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
