do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
