Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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