Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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