I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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