It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
