They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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