My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
