Where did you get a picture of my penis
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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