Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
