How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
