God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
