We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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