just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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