it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize