mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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