I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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