Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
