He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize