yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just had sex bonerless
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
