It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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