I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize