yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
