david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize