I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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