When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
