I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
