Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize