my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
this hospital has no fireball
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
