go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
