Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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