i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
