i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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