too bad you live with your parents still
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
