You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
