My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
