I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
