I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
