My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
