he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
