So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
