I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
