we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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