wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
