We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
