I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
