just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize