Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
