it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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