She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
