i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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