my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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