what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
