You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
