I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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